My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
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there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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