Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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