I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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