if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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