Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
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A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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