Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
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my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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