My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize