I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize