ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What a dumb baby whore.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize