i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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