I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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