i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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