Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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