who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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