why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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