i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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