my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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