you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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