Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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