the condom got lost in my hair
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize