ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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