I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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