keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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