College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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