you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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