I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize