I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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