I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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