Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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