i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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