so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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