just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize