when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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