So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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