ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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