This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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