i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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