Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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