Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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