No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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