why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize