exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize