i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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