Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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