He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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