I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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