I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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