Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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