that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize