I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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