Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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